Dug too deep

It's really hard when you've dug yourself so far into a hole that your not quite sure how to get out. 

I can't believe that I have been basically lying to myself for the past 5 months. I'm not over him but I can't tell you that. Obviously. I wish I didn't still have feelings for him. I wanna see him really bad. Just to hug him again and see how I feel.  But the problem is that I want it to feel like it used to and I'm scared it won't. I feel like I'm the best actress in the world. It's like I've been acting our whole relationship. I don't think what we have is true love because if it was, I wouldn't be writing this because I wouldn't feel this way. I'm so happy that you don't know about this. That's be bad....

Fuck, I don't know what to do. 

I thought I was 18?

Are you fucking kidding me?!
I'm 18 years old and you're going to take away my phone and wake me up at 6:25 on my LAST DAY OF WEEKEND just to clean my room?! WOW! It's a few clothes laying on my floor.  May I remind you that how in the fuck, am I supposed to finish a 6 page paper today AND go to work if I can't even FUCKING STAY AWAKE!!!!!! You guys bitch at me for not getting enough sleep, but when I come home ON TIME, and have shit to do the next day, YOU CAN'T EVEN LET ME SLEEP IN UNTIL 8 O'CLOCK?! OH YEAH, And I'm 18 years old.  I'd rather have you fucking kick me out! I'm so fucking tired of living here, it's UNBELIEVABLE!
You take me phone, I'm exhausted, all I wanna do is sleep, now I'm crying.
I'm going to be a fucking wreck today.  Probably get sick from being over tired, but YOU DON'T GIVE A FUCK UNLESS I GET MY ROOM CLEAN!

You have honestly hit top level ASSHOLE!

Fuck off.
I wanna move.
Goodbye.

Yolo

Dear people who say "hakuna matata",
If it means no worries, why do you care that people say yolo?!

Ewwww

Some boys are sooo repulsive.
They act all sweet and innocent toward you, then you have out with them, and they're a total douch!

Like this guy I hung out with last night.  For the past week he's been texting me and being so sweet. Callin me babe and tellin me how beautiful I am.  Kept telling me how amazing we'd be together and all of this other bull shit.  Then we hung out yesterday...
Here's what happened,
I walked into his place and handed him a Valentines Day present, balloons and candy, and he showed me where mine was...which was three half dead ugly pink colored roses and a white teddy bear....not cliche at all right? ohkayy, so we layed down on the couch and started watching tv. No big deal.  Then we started wrestling and I LIGHTLY punched him in the arm, in a very joking manner, then he pulls back and full forced punched me in the hip. Not a joking manner. I was like "owwww. That hurt" and he goes, "Oh you'll be fine." and hits me again.  I was like...OHKAYY ASSHOLE! (Didn't actually say that, definitely thought it though) After that I was pissed off, plus he's not very good looking and bleeeeh, ohkayy, so I became kind of a bitch after that.  I didn't cuddle with him, didn't really talk, I basically just sat on my phone the entire time.  So I texted one of my guy friends (yeah, we've hooked up. and he's been wanting to again. Funny part???? He's my exboyfriends friend! hah! whatever, I knew this guy loooong before I knew my exboyfriend) So after another half hour I'm like, "alright, I gotta go."
(This kid next to me in class, is starting at me, and being a fucking weirdo. ewwwwwww. he's gross. jk. He's pretty cool, kinda)
ANYWAY!,  so I left. 15 min later, he texted me and goes "Well that didn't go well." My response??? "HAHAHAHAHHAH" he goes "What?" and I said "Nothing," then he goes, "We done talking?" and I didn't want to be mean and be like "OMG! PLEEEEEASE!?" So I said, "If you want" and he goes, "Well I can tell your not interested" and again, I didn't want to be a bitch, so I just said "Sorry." Is that really mean?! I dunno.
So today I get to school and a girl in one of my classes who used to work with him told me that he's slept with like 87 girls, and he was going to keep going until he got to 100.
First of all I'd like to know, WHY WOULD 87 GIRLS SLEEP WITH THAT?! He's GROSSSSS! Like I thought he was cute and sweet until I met him.  Then I met him and all I could think was "bleeeeeeh" (just so everyone knows, that's a puking noise) But yeah. He's icky.
and Second, why on god's green earth would someone want to sleep with 100 people? That in and of itself is gross! like, 100! WTF!!! (Just asked that same kid if he'd want to do that, he said "no!" Wanna know why? "Because most of them would probably have std's" ohkayy! now he changed his answer, he said that "if they didn't have std's then he would") Alright, so maybe its a guy thing.
Even if I wouldn't get called a slut or a whore and I'd come out std free, I STILL wouldn't want to do it! Besides, most of them would probably be oober small and not be good and it would just be a waste of time.
Ohkayy, I'm off subject.
I think men are just gross. Maybe not all of them, but MOST of them.
KBye<3

NH

Smile-
It's beautiful.
Happy Valentines Day! ❤

Real eyes, Realize, Real lies

Sometimes you need to wipe off that
Fake
smile. And start to use your
Real
eyes.

I know you want to believe his
Fake
stories but you need to
Real-
ize that this is wrong.

The other girl doesn't know
about this
Fake
relationship. But you've known
they were
Real
lies all along.

Couples; Update; Update

Well! I am going to give you another update.
He's a douche! Haha I got played a fool. He had a gf the whole time.
And the crazy part is he made ME feel like shit about having guy friends when he had a GIRLFRIEND the whole time we were together.
He called me fake because I didn't tell him that I had feelings for an ex. I'm pretty sure he is the fake one considering he was in another relationship.
Such a joke.
Fuck guys.
Time to live single and let the man come to me.
New me, here I come!

Couples; UPDATE!

hahahhaha, Ohkayy, so I just read my blog titled "Couples".  So this is my reaction because now I have an ah-mazing boyfriend, and I honestly, don't remember even writing that.  So if you haven't read it, go read it before you read this.

ALRIGHT,
So the whole "Omg I miss you so much even though I just left you're house."  For the record, last night after I left my boyfriend's dorm room, I tweeted, "I miss you the minute I walk out the door." with the little thumbs down emoji. Yes, I am one of those lovey dovey girls, in her lovey dovey relationships that hates being away from her man.  I know.  And you probably read that old blog and thought, "wow, this bitch is a stuck up, sad, lonely, and bitter girl." YES! That is exactly what I was.  But not anymore.   I love being around my man every time I'm with him. We do text constantly, and we are together a good 75% of the time.  He hasn't fucked me over, and better not EVER! and he does treat me like a princess. :)

So, it looks like I got my wish.

hahahaha K bye :)

Uhmmmm :)

Whoa! I'm happy!  Where the hell did this come from?!  Ohkayy, focus. PAHAHAH why the fuck did I just say that....hahahah POINTLESS. Whew, ohkayy.  So I'm trying to figure out what to write about to make it seem like I know what I'm doing witht this blog today, but it doesn't look like that is going to happen.  Soooooo looks like I'm just going to ramble.
This blog has absolutely no point, and probably never will. 
-Everytime you see one of these (-), it's a new thought, just so that I don't have one huuuuuuge paragraph that "gives you whiplash" as one of my teachers says.
-That ---------------^ means that I whip you, the reader, whoever you may be, nice to meet you!, from topic to topic.
-Anywho, Who are you?  I see that I get a few views from my blogs all the time, but I never know who is reading them.  Soooo, you should comment and say hi to me. 
-Ya know, you should feel special getting an insight into my life because no one really knows that I do this.  I mean, a few people do, but none of my friends or family take time out of their day to sit down and read my blog.  Probably because it's not that big of a deal and everything I've said on here, they probably already know.  But anywho, you are SOMETIMES hearing things, that NO ONE else gets to know. :)
-Oh, and I don't know if you've realized it, but I like to use smiley faces. :) They make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.. :) hahahah yeah, ohkayy.
-So if you are reading this, you should comment, just so I can see if anyone cares.
-I've been deciding if I should tell people that I write this, but the only thing is, I'm not anything special.  Or at leaste I don't think I am.  I mean, I don't even know if this is what a blog is about.  But whatever.  Like, who would take time out of their day to read my blog which I post whenever I'm bored (like now) or pissed (like always) or depressed (not so much anymore since I have an amazing boyfriend)
-Speaking of my man, he's pretty amazing.  :)
-Treats me like a princess and all. :)
-See! More smiley faces :) :) :) :) :)
- :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :P <---WHOA! Random tongue. :)
- Ohkayy, I'm done.
-But really, should I tell people I write this and to read it?
-I'd have to go through my blogs to make sure that I didn't say any names that shouldn't be said.  That would be bad. 
-I don't want people out there getting grief for the shit I write about them.
-So you should comment and let me know what you think.  If I should let people into my own personal world or not. hmmmmmmm.


Buuuuuut, thank you for reading.
Sorry it was probably REALLY boring.
But COMMENT! :)
And have an ah-mazing weekend.

-Nicolette <3

Can't wait until you're gone

She doesn't deserve what you've put her through. You are by far one of the worst boyfriends I've ever heard if a girl being with. You emotionally abuse her to the point that she doesn't even wanna crack jokes around other people because she is scared that they'll get pissed just like you do. The drugs mean more to you than she does an no girl deserves that. You are a liar. You are shady. Your a druggy. And you don't deserve a girl like her. And she deserves soooo much better than you. You put her down and ignore her which no boyfriend should ever do to his girlfriend. You are a piece of shit. The fact that you can't answer her phone calls but then text her right away is one of the shadiest things a person can do. Why can't you answer the phone?
Oh! And whyyyyy on gods green earth are there girls texting you saying that they're horny or anything like that? If a man ever did that to me they would be gone in a heart beat.
She used to play that game that boys play. You know, where you lead on more than one person and then drop all of them except one. Usually she still talks to her guy friends when she has a boyfriend, but you freak out if I text her off a random number. But this time, she gave it all up for you. Because she only wanted you. No one else. Plus she knew that if she did talk to a friend. You wouldn't speak to her for hours. Then you would cry like a little bitch wanting her back. Stfu!
Honestly, you are controlling, emotionally abusive, shady, and a liar.
I can't wait for her to dump you on your ass so you can finally realize what you had but will never EVER have again.
She is the one girl that will stay loyal to you and always have your back. She's a gorgeous, smart, and hilarious girl that you will lose pretty soon here and I hope that when you lose her, it hurts you as bad as you've been hurting her.
You're a piece of shit.

Cool

Your out of my life for so long and I find someone who makes me happy. Then you show up out of no where...now my mind is everywhere and I don't know what to do. Cool...

Sorry.

Ya know, I realize that I broke you. I lied right to your face and broke a promise. You also slept with my best friend. Right after you left my house. I forgave you. But yet you still can't forgive me after I've apologized countless times and cried over the fact that I hurt you the way I did. So why is it so hard that after a year of me begging for a chance, you still can't do it?
Then! All you do is get my hopes up! You act like I mean so much to you. And we make plans to see each other, then you stop answering me when it comes to follow through with our plans and I'm broken. Do you realize that every time you do that, you break me?! Just like I "broke you" when I lied to you. I've been here for you for the past 2 years and when there's a tough time in my life, all you have to say is "sorry." That word doesn't have a meaning to me anymore because you ruined it. The word "sorry" means that you feel bad about something you did and you won't do it again. But you keep hurting me and I still want to be with you.
Now I'm sitting here trying to hold back tears because I want to show people that I'm strong, but really, I'm weak because you keep breaking me down. So now all I have to say is sorry. Sorry for hurting you. Sorry for lying. Sorry for breaking you. And sorry for trying every single day to prove you wrong and show you that I won't hurt you ever again.
I'm sorry.